Confidence
I was excited to get my first car for a lot of reasons. It meant freedom and independence. It meant shifting gears and going fast. But, maybe more than anything else, it meant finally had a chance to be cool.
I was absolutely not cool growing up. I definitely wasn’t cool in high school. I was a nerd who read lots of books and got good grades and wore many different sweater vests. I didn’t smoke or drink or do drugs, I didn’t listen to the coolest music. I still don’t really. I didn’t know how to make myself cool or be cool or act cool. But, I did know what a cool car was, and I could buy one of those.
I know I am not alone in this in the car world as many of us got into cars because we needed a prosthesis of cool we could strap on at will, I think it’s one of the subconscious things that ties us together. I love to drive and I love to go fast and I love to work and clean my car, but I’m not afraid to admit my cars have always been a lot cooler than me.
I felt confident leading with what car I drove because it made a first impression I was more comfortable with than me alone. Self-esteem isn’t a strong suit of mine, it never has been. I’m a shy introvert, an INFJ to be specific for the uber-nerds who know what that means, and a cool car was a way into situations I wouldn’t be confident in alone.
For a long time it was my go-to misdirection, until my work started to define me. I am comfortable leading with my work, just like I was comfortable leading with my car. It isn’t me, but it’s something I’m very, very proud of.
I have a lot of confidence in my work, but I don’t have a lot of confidence in myself.
That strange congruence causes issues in places that you wouldn’t necessarily expect.
I was trying to add pictures to this website, and I was struggling to choose the right ones. I take a lot of pictures of every car I do, many more of the after than the before, and I found myself simply choosing too many. That’s not bad necessarily, but it definitely doesn’t tell much of a story. At least, I don’t think that it tells the story that I really want.
In my head, I want to show every inch of every Ferrari I have ever done. The issue is, there are lots of inches to cover, and I do a lot of Ferraris. So if I add 400 pictures of nearly identical 355s and Testarossas, nobody is going to scroll through them all and think, “Look how thorough he is!” “Look how many Ferraris he does!” Instead, they are likely to think things more like, “I’m bored,” and “I get it already, it looks like it was built in a shed and it’s really clean now.”
A well made gallery of work examples is absolutely a case of “less is more.” Show some highlights, tease the viewers brain, and make them want to see more. It’s not important to show everything, the most interesting stories are the ones where your brain can fill in the gaps left by the author. It’s about showing enough, and just enough.
But, my insecure brain tells me, “why do less when you can do MORE!??!?! MORE IS MORE!” It’s why I talk too much, say too much, ramble on, and write overly verbose blog posts like this. Short and sweet isn’t my thing I guess.
I added more pictures, although not as many as I originally selected. There are lots of Ferraris and Porsches and Rolls Royces that have been meticulous dry ice cleaned. They show some of what I can do. They tell part of the story.
I believe in my work, I’m very proud of it and I know how good it is. I believe in my writing too, even though it’s quality is questionable.
JE